Have you ever had a moment where you swore you forgave someone—maybe even prayed about it, told God you were good, and moved on—only for something to trigger you weeks, months, or even years later? Suddenly, all those old feelings come rushing back, and you realize maybe, just maybe, that unforgiveness never fully left.
Yeah. We all have.
Unforgiveness is tricky like that. It hides. It buries itself deep, tangled up in memories and emotions we thought we dealt with. Then, like an old tree stump in the backyard, it sprouts little shoots when we least expect it. But here’s the thing—God didn’t create us to carry that weight. He created us to live in freedom. And to get there, we have to get to the root of unforgiveness, not just chop off the branches.
So, let’s talk about it—real talk, no fluff. Grab your coffee, settle in, and let’s dig deep.
The Silent Poison We Keep Drinking
We’ve all been there—holding onto unforgiveness, convinced that somehow, it’s hurting the other person. But here’s the truth: Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It doesn’t work. It only eats us up from the inside.
Science even backs this up. Studies have shown that chronic bitterness and resentment can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical illness. Some research even links long-term emotional stress to diseases like heart conditions and autoimmune disorders. Turns out, the Bible was onto something when it said bitterness defiles (Hebrews 12:15).
When we don’t release unforgiveness, we’re the ones paying the price. And let’s be honest, the people who hurt us? They’re probably out living their best lives, completely unaware that we’re still carrying the burden of what they did.
So why do we keep holding on?
Because it feels justified.
Because the pain is real.
Because we think letting go means what they did was okay.
But forgiveness isn’t about them—it’s about you. It’s about getting free. And sometimes, we don’t even realize how deep the root has grown until it starts showing up in other areas of our lives.
When Unforgiveness Spills Over
Ever snap at someone over something small, only to realize later it had nothing to do with them? Maybe your spouse forgot to take out the trash, and suddenly you’re in a full-blown argument about respect and consideration. Or a friend cancels plans, and you feel deeply rejected, way beyond what the situation calls for.
That’s unforgiveness leaking out.
It’s like an old wound that never quite healed. You think it’s fine until something bumps against it. Then suddenly, all the unprocessed hurt comes flooding back, and you’re reacting to something way bigger than the present moment.
Jesus put it this way: “A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit.” (Matthew 7:17)
Unforgiveness is a root that produces bad fruit—anger, resentment, distrust, insecurity. And unless we deal with the root, we’ll keep seeing the same unhealthy patterns pop up in different areas of our lives.
So, how do we actually uproot unforgiveness?
Forgiveness is a Decision, Not a Feeling
Let’s debunk a big myth right now: forgiveness is not about forgetting.
We’ve heard the phrase “forgive and forget,” but let’s be real—our brains don’t work like that. If someone betrayed you, hurt you, or let you down, you’re going to remember. And that’s okay.
Forgiveness isn’t amnesia. It’s obedience.
Jesus told Peter to forgive seventy times seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). That’s 490 times a day. Now, nobody sins against you that many times in 24 hours. But we think about what they did that often. And every time it comes up, we have a choice: rehearse it or release it.
When the thought resurfaces, do we nurse it, replay it, analyze it all over again, fueling our anger? Or do we stop, take a breath, and say, “God, I release this. Again. And again. And again.”
Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event.
The Real Work of Letting Go
Letting go doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean you allow toxic people back into your life without boundaries. It doesn’t even mean you’ll never feel pain about it again.
Letting go means you stop letting it control you.
It means when the memory resurfaces, you don’t let it dictate your mood, your relationships, your peace. You surrender it to God instead of gripping it tightly, thinking justice depends on you.
That’s not easy. But it’s necessary. Because the enemy would love for you to stay stuck in a cycle of bitterness, replaying offenses over and over until they become part of your identity.
But God is calling you higher.
He’s calling you into freedom.
And friend, that starts with a decision: Will you release what’s been weighing you down?
A Challenge for You (Yes, You!)
Here’s what I want you to do. Right now. Take a deep breath and ask yourself:
- Who am I still holding unforgiveness toward?
- What past hurt keeps resurfacing in my thoughts?
- Am I willing to surrender this, even if it takes time?
Write it down if you need to. Say their name out loud. Pray over it. And the next time the memory resurfaces, choose release over rehearsal.
You’re not a forgiveness failure just because it takes time. You’re human. But with each decision to release, you’re moving closer to the freedom God wants for you.
So today, let’s make a choice. Let’s start uprooting bitterness, one thought at a time. Because what’s on the other side? Peace. Joy. Freedom. And friend, that’s worth fighting for.
Who do you need to forgive today? Share this message with someone who needs encouragement and start the journey toward true healing together. And if this spoke to you, let us know in the comments—we’d love to pray with you.