What makes relationships thrive? Is it love? Communication? A shared love of the same TV shows? While all of those things help, the real key is something deeper—commitment. Not just the commitment to stay, but the commitment to grow, to listen, to forgive, and to fight for the people we love.
Relationships are a gift from God, designed to refine us, strengthen us, and bring us joy. But they also take work. And the good news? We were never meant to do it alone. God is with us in every moment—helping us love better, forgive quicker, and choose grace when it feels impossible.
The Real Enemy Isn’t Our Spouse
We have this idea that if things aren’t working out, it’s because the other person is the problem. But what if we told you the enemy isn’t our spouse? Or our best friend who forgot our birthday? Or our co-worker who keeps microwaving fish in the office?
No, the real enemy is division. It’s the small offenses that pile up, the assumptions that go unchecked, and the walls we build when we feel misunderstood. And if we’re not actively working for the relationship, we’re working against it.
The Bible tells us in John 10:10 that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And one of his favorite playgrounds? Our relationships. If he can get us believing “it’s never going to work,” we’ll start living that out. But here’s the truth: Whatever we’ve been through, God is bigger than that.
Communication Matters
Ever been in a fight where we say something completely normal, and somehow, it lands like a nuclear explosion? “I was just asking if you saw my socks,” suddenly turns into, “Are you accusing me of hiding your socks on purpose?”
Tone. Is. Everything.
The way we speak to each other matters. The Bible even warns us in Proverbs 18:21 that the power of life and death is in the tongue. And yet, how often do we throw careless words around, forgetting that they don’t just disappear—they take root?
Maybe we’ve been on the receiving end of sharp words. Maybe we’ve dished them out. Either way, the answer isn’t about being right—it’s about choosing love over being “right.”
So before we respond, we should ask ourselves:
- Are we trying to solve the problem, or just prove a point?
- Is our tone building up or tearing down?
- Would we speak this way to Jesus if He were in the room? (Oof, that one hits.)
The Expectation Trap
One of the biggest relationship struggles? Unspoken expectations.
We assume our spouse, friend, or co-worker should know what we need. That they should just get it. But last time we checked, none of us came equipped with mind-reading superpowers.
Ladies, men aren’t wired to pick up on the little hints we think are obvious. And guys, women sometimes need to hear appreciation in actual words, not just a grunt and a nod. Communicating our needs isn’t nagging. It’s setting our relationship up for success.
If we don’t say it, we can’t expect them to know it. Simple as that.
Fighting Fair
News flash: Healthy relationships include conflict.
If we’ve never had a disagreement, we might not be in a real relationship—maybe just a polite hostage situation. It’s not about if we fight, it’s about how we fight.
A few things to remember when emotions run high:
- Pause before we react. Don’t let our feelings dictate our words.
- Never say “you always” or “you never.” Those phrases escalate things fast.
- Fight for resolution, not for victory. If one of us loses, we both lose.
The Bible actually lays it out for us: Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). Notice the order? Listen first.
The Grass Isn’t Greener
Ever had one of those days where we think, Maybe we should just start over? Maybe we’re convinced that a different job, a different friend, or a different spouse would make things easier. But here’s the truth: if we don’t work on ourselves where we are, we’ll carry the same struggles into our next season.
Growth doesn’t happen by running. It happens by staying planted and putting in the work.
Because the reality is, every relationship takes effort. The marriages that last 30, 40, 50 years? They weren’t perfect. They were just built by two imperfect people who refused to quit on each other.
Love is a Choice
Feelings come and go. Some days, we’re madly in love. Other days, we’re just mad.
But love? Real love is a choice.
The Bible calls us to “bear with each other and forgive one another” (Colossians 3:13). Not just when it’s easy. Not just when they deserve it. But always.
That doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior or never setting boundaries. It means choosing grace over grudges, humility over pride, and forgiveness over bitterness.
Love isn’t always a warm, fuzzy feeling. Sometimes, love is choosing patience when we’d rather be right. It’s choosing to believe the best in someone instead of assuming the worst. It’s saying, I’m in this with you, even when it’s hard.
We’re Better Together
God didn’t design us to go through life alone. Whether it’s a spouse, a friend, or our church community, we are meant to sharpen each other, encourage each other, and carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).
So, here’s our challenge:
- Who do we need to reconnect with?
- What apology have we been putting off?
- Where can we choose grace instead of resentment?
If we’re feeling stuck, know this—God is in the business of healing relationships. He’s bigger than whatever we’re facing. And when we lean into His love, everything changes.
Because at the end of the day? We really are better together.